PIOuch

Have I complained about PIO yet?  I hate it. The actual injection usually isn't too bad.   It's definitely scarier than it looks. What I hate is how sore I am the next day.  And how my hips are all lumpy.  And it hurts to lie down.  Or wear pants. 

I don't have any non-sore injection spots. I moved a smidgen higher today and when I pulled the needle out, blood spurt out! I've never had so much blood after I an injection.

16 days till ultrasound. Once we see a heartbeat, doctor will let me switch to crinone. 16 more shots. 8 per hip.  

I didn't feel pregnant today.  I didn't like that. I think I'll poas tomorrow to see if it is as dark as Thursday's.

Beta take 2

My second beta was 330!  A doubling time of just over 35 hours!!  I could hardly believe it.  I've still been peeing on sticks, and the test line is just about as dark as the control.  I have to stick with the PIO until the heartbeat, then the doctor will let me switch to suppositories.  I can hardly wait for my ultrasound on September 15th!!

Work has been kicking my butt!  It didn't help that I was dry-heaving all day.

Seriously, I don't know how I am going to make it two and a half weeks for my scan.  I really want to know what's going on in there!

Can't stop peeing on sticks!

I know I'm an addict, but I can't seem to control it.  I swore yesterday would be the last day.  But, I woke up today couldn't stop myself.  I mean, the cup was right there.  The bag of pee sticks was right there.  I know that to break the cycle, I need to remove temptation, but it just feels so good!  At least I only took one hit today.

Here are all of my cheapies from 6dp5dt to 11dp5dt (today).  I don't think the darkness of today's line is going to help me stop-- it's just more encouragement.  And it's not even dry yet.

Beta Day

Today was beta day.  Because of my work schedule, I need the 7 am blood work time to make it to work on time.  Today, for whatever reason, they were late opening up the office.  I got there a few minutes late, but they didn't open the door until almost 7:15!  Fortunately, my Dr. saw me and ushered me back to the blood lady.  I teach in the school district his kids go to school in, so he knows I need to get to work to bring my class in!  I told him it would be good news, and it was so sweet to see his eyes light up when he asked if I had gotten a positive urine test and I said yes.    

I told them not to call me until after 3 pm, as I wouldn't be able to answer the phone with students in the room and I didn't want them to leave a message.  The nurse never leaves the numbers in messages; I always have to ask.  Beta came in at 130!  She said it was a nice, strong number and to come back on Wednesday for a repeat.

As I was typing that last sentence, the doctor, himself, called to talk to me about the results.  He said it was solid and as long as it was doubling appropriately on Wednesday, he'd just bring me in for a pregnancy scan in three weeks.  I love this doctor and feel so lucky to have been referred to him.  He has helped us out so much, and really seems to care.  Our interactions are often brief, but he remembers everything.  He has also taken the time twice, to see me and answer my questions and not charged me for the appointment.

Here's hoping for 260+ on Wednesday!!

8dp5dt

I'm a POAS-aholic.  Really, I am.  But, for the moment at least, it appears that I am pregnant.

Here is a progression of the darkest of the cheapies I've done each day (because you know I've dipped at least two cheapies per day).  6dp5dt on top to 8dp5dt on bottom.

And because I wasn't happy that all of today's cheapies were lighter than the dark one from yesterday, I whipped out my FRER.

The only other expensive test I have left is an expired digital, which I might pull out tomorrow.  Beta is on Monday.

Maybe?

I wasn't sure if I was going to test today, as I haven't been feeling confident in this cycle.  I found out yesterday that my estrogen was pretty low (77), which I didn't take as a good sign.  I've also been really really stressed this week, with the start of the school year and being forced to change grade levels.  I ended up the collateral damage for a teacher who couldn't get along with her team members, and we got switched.

I tested anyway, and I don't even want to say it, but there is the faintest of faint lines, right there on the test.  So, of course, being me and having 30 tests, I dipped another one, hoping for a darker line, but only got a matching faint as can be line.  

So, I'm cautiously optimistic.  I will, of course, test tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that!  I have one FRER and one expired (by 3 months) digital.  I'm saving those for the weekend I think.

It doesn't really show up in pictures, but here it is.  If it was still summer break for me, I totally would have pulled out my light box and dslr to get a better image, but the phone will have to do for today.  Can you see it at all??

4dp5dt

I can't believe I am so close to knowing if we've crossed the first hurdle in knowing if this cycle will be successful.  So close!  With my daughter, I got my first positive test at 6dp5dt.  I tested today to see if the trigger is gone and I got the BFN I was hoping for (who'd ever think I'd hope for a BFN at this point!).  So, if it is positive on Thursday, assuming I test, I will know that it is not the trigger.

No exciting dreams last night.  I wonder if I scared them away ;).

Holy Sex Dreams, Batman!!

Ever since the transfer (Friday), I've had nightly sex dreams.  Three consecutive nights of sex dreams.  They've been different each night, but goodness gracious!  What's super frustrating is that in these dreams, I've gotten close to the big O, but not quite there!  What's the fun in that?  The first night, I woke up out of breath and in tremendous pain.  I went to the bathroom, but it didn't seem to help.  Maybe I should have woken up hubby to finish the job :).

I don't know that I've ever had dreams like this.  I didn't have anything like this when I was pregnant with my daughter.  I'm a little worried that it isn't good for the twins and their implantation. <----- notice the positive thinking! 

I assume it's the patched on and injected hormones creating them.  Let's see what tonight brings! 

IVF Urban Legends and Myths

I posted a question to the IVF facebook group that I am lucky to be a part of asking what urban legends people have heard or tried to make their cycle more successful.  I've loved reading all of the responses.  Do you have anything to add?

Pre-cycle:

• Supplements: Calcuim, CoQ10, D3, Maca, and Royal Jelly, and other "increase fertility" supplements
• Cut out majority of fat from died except for monounsaturated - olive oil, avocado, etc.
• Acupuncture
• Naturopath or hypnotherapist 
• "Just forget about it.  The stress messes you all up."

During cycle:

• Continue pre-cycle interventions
• Wear socks to all appointments, ER, and transfer
• Eat 1/5th of a pineapple for 5 days starting day of transfer
• Eat Brazil nuts (3 a day?) from day before transfer and for 5-6 days post transfer
• DTD the day before transfer

Do you have anything to add to this list?  It's all in fun, but I figure that if it doesn't hurt, why not?

Boring

This is the boring time of an IVF cycle.  There is so much waiting when TTC, especially with IVF.  Now, everything is done and I just wait, wait, wait.  On Wednesday I have a blood test for estrogen and progesterone levels.  Then back the following Monday for beta HCG levels.

I have around 25 hpts, I think.  I got a huge lot with one of our iui cycles last year, and most of them are still there.  I want to test out the trigger so that I know that a subsequent positive is really a positive.

I guess if there is one good thing about the timing in all of this, I'm going to be really busy this week with starting a new school year.  I did end up getting bumped from my grade level spot.  Apparently, one of the other teachers new to the school last year didn't get along with anyone, and the principal is switching the two of us.  I'll be teaching 5th grade next year.  I've only ever taught 1st, 2nd, and 3rd, so this is going to be a big change.  I did student teach n 5th, 12 years ago, so at least I have that, haha!  I am so lucky to be at an amazing school with wonderful colleagues who have offered to do so much to help me, while they should be getting ready for their own classes.

I was really hoping for a less stressful start of the year.  Staying put would have helped that.  I was super upset when I found out about the move, but glad that it fell between my egg retrieval and transfer.  I feel like I did a good job of getting over it.  There is another teacher in my grade level who had just moved from 5th down to 3rd just to try something new, and said that she would go back if I was really against it, but I don't want to be that person that throws a tantrum to get her way.  I think if she knew what I was going through right now, she wouldn't have let the principal move me, but again, I don't want to be that person.

One big upside is that one of my best friends is an upper grade teacher at my school, and now we will have the same recess and lunch schedule.  She told me that I should have told the principal all that I am going through with IVF, thinking that she would have picked someone else to move if she knew.  My friend, who is one of two friends in real life who know, is worried about me and the stress of a new grade level.  I think I'll be fine.  I am determined not to stress about this and just to let it be what it is.  We'll see how well that works!

Two

Everything went well with the transfer.  We put in two.  Both were a little bit behind, but very similar to my successful cycle 4 years ago.  One was just becoming a blast and the other a morula.  

They did assisted hatching with both, because the zona looked thick.  Hopefully that will help them implant!  I go for blood work on Wednesday to check estrogen and progesterone, and a week from Monday for my pregnancy test.  I am going to beg for crinone or endometrin, especially if they want me to up my dose, like last time.  

Here are the twins :)

                              The early blast                                         The morula

 That blue line points to the embryos and embryonic fluid in my uterus (the white line)!  My two maybe-babies are in!

My doctor said that they would implant in 6-12 hours from the transfer.  That time is just about up.  I hope they are snuggling in for the long haul.  

They don't think the other two will make it to blast, but they are culturing them until tomorrow to give them a chance.  

Last time, I tested out the trigger, then got a positive 6dp5dt (next Thursday).  I don't want to go too early, but there is no way I'll make it to 8/25!  

I. Hate. PIO.

Seriously.  I hate it.  While nothing would make me happier than my Dr. wanting me to do 6 more weeks of PIO, I can't wait until I'm done with it.  The nurse claims that once I get a positive, he'll let me switch to suppositories.  Last time they made me wait until we saw the heartbeat at 7 weeks.  I really hope they let me switch sooner.  It hurts to walk.  My purse hits the sore spots.  I'm super bloated (and have gained a few pounds this summer), so my shorts hit where it hurts.

As of yesterday's report, all four embryos are progressing but three of them look better than the other.  I want to transfer at least two- we'll do three if they aren't looking good.

I love having my summers off.  It's a great perk of being a teacher.  I can't believe it's over.  If  When all of this goes well, come early/mid April I'll be out for summer again!

The girl who cried miscarriage

Over the years I have participated in a number of internet forums related to getting pregnant.  I started with waiting to try, because I am a planner and needed to do everything right.  I moved to trying to conceive, then to ttc 6+ months, and finally into the infertility and ivf boards and blogs.  I'd guess that around 98% of those who I "met"  through those forms have been understanding, compassionate, and real.  I don't quite understand the others.  Most of the other 2% seem in it because they want the drama. The rest are just mean spirited.

The last medicated cycle I did was an IUI about 9 months ago.  I was part of an infertility/iui forum and had started a thread about my cycle.  After I posted my bfn, a girl who had about the same timing as I did used my thread to announce that her first ever clomid/iui cycle had failed and that she was utterly devastated.  

The next day, she started her own thread about how devastated she was because she was miscarrying.  I called her out on it, but no one else did.   It just screamed bs to me.  Either don't dig up sympathy for a failed cycle that isn't over, or don't falsely cry miscarriage when af shows, just because you don't want it to be true or you want extra sympathy.  At least one of those posts was written purely to drum up sympathy and attention.  

I  haven't been back to that site in about 8 months, but have thought of the story above twice now in 3 days. The other day, I somehow came across a link to that girl's blog.   I noticed inconsistencies just from reading her about me and the two most recent posts.  She lists more miscarriages in her about me paragraph than she does in her post from a week ago.  I could understand if it were the other way around.  The few other posts that I read also confirmed my drama queen perception.  She says other things that are obviously wrong to anyone who's ever been pregnant and had early ultrasounds or who is able to execute a simple google search.   

The more recent reason I thought of this person and her fabrications because of what I am facing at work.  While my principal has now told me that she won't make me move classrooms, she did hint that she wants me to teach the 2nd/3rd grade split that we are expecting to have.  I know under normal circumstances, I'd be able to handle a split, but if this cycle works out, I'll be leaving the school year at least two months early. I'm concerned about sub plans for a split if I have a ton of Dr. appts, as I did last time.  I don't think the principal would want a long term sub in a split, nor do I think the parents would be happy about that.  I teach in a highly affluent area, with really demanding parents. We could never afford to buy a house in the district I teach in-- I'll always be commuting!  Apparently, the more money you have, the more you feel like you can control your child's school/teacher.  Anyway, my situation is less than ideal for the added stress and prep for teaching two grade levels simultaneously.  

I'm not going to know the outcome of this cycle by the time school starts.  I'm likely to hear about my assignment in the next few days while it seems like forever until I'll know if I'm pregnant.  Should I try to be vague and say that there is a good chance that I'll need a long term sub for the end of the year?  Do I not say anything and hope for the best?  If this cycle doesn't pan out, and we have embryos to freeze, we'll jump right into a FET, so I will again be missing at least a month of the school year.  

One option is to tell my grade-level team and hope that one of them volunteers for the split as a favor to me, but I know one of the three wont do it.  The other has a lot of other responsibilities at the school, but mastering a split would look good on her resume, and she wants to get into administration.  The third teammate(s) are in a 80/20 job share, which I think makes it that much more difficult to put them in the split.  It's just such a mess, timing wise!  At least we were able to move everything back so that the transfer wasn't the first day I have to be back at work!  

Let's hope that we get so many families registering this week and that the splits fill to be full straight grade classes and none of this is an issue.  Again, I'm a planner.  I need to anticipate all the possible scenarios and prepare myself for the worst.  What would you do?

Quads

I have four potential babies growing in the lab about 20 miles away.

We are planning on transferring 2-3 depending on the quality on Friday.  I'll get another update on their progress on Wednesday.  I hope one or two of those babies decide to stick around.

Kids has always been an interesting issue for hubby and me.  We actually broke up after a year and a half of dating when he told me he didn't want kids.  That was a deal breaker for me.  That break up lasted less than 3 weeks.  Hubby would love to have two kids now.  We both agree that once we have a successful IVF cycle, we are done.  I'm hoping for twins so I can get my three kids.  Hubby will be happy with anything.

Grow babies, grow!

Done

12 eggs retrieved, but two were clearly not mature.  I'll get the fertilization report tomorrow. Here's hoping the other 10 are mature and fertilize normally.

I had a great anesthesiologist, who kept me entertained while she was  loading me up.  

I'm a bit uncomfortable right now, but had a nice nap. 

This Sunday, Sunday, Sunday

Monitoring went well this morning.  We are on for the egg retrieval for Sunday!  I had five follicles on the right, measuring between 19-22 and four on the left measuring 17-25.  The doctor expects 7-8 mature eggs with those counts.  Last time, I had a bunch of eggs, but not many were mature.

I'm doing better with the cetrotide this time.  I have been icing the spot while I mix and do my other two injections and while I am preparing it.  I read on one forum that someone said it didn't hurt as much when she held the pinch, so I tried that too.  I have also been icing it after it is injected.  It still stings for a bit and leaves a welt, but not too bad.  I'm really looking forward to two injection free days, before the PIO.  I hate PIO.

If my progesterone is too high today, they won't do the fresh transfer.  That scares me, because last time nothing made it to freeze.  If my embryos are like last time and nothing makes it to freeze and we don't do a fresh transfer, this will have all been a waste.  I hope my numbers come back good today!

So. Much. Waiting!

Pin cushion

It's really funny to when I think back to being afraid of needles and shots.  Once, as a teenager, the doctor wanted to draw my blood and pretty much had a panic attack.  That is so laughable when I think of the injections I've given myself over the last four years.

How are you supposed to rotate injection sites when giving four injections a day?  My belly is covered in little bruises, red pin marks, and little lumps from the abuse.  I honestly don't know how people can do this 5+ times.  If this doesn't work, and we can afford it again, I think I only have one more fresh cycle in me.

Hopefully when I go in for monitoring today, they will figure out if the retrieval will be Saturday or Sunday.  We need to arrange child care, so it would sort of be nice to know!

Work is stressing me out right now, which is pretty impressive since I don't have to go back for 12 more days.  I found out that I may need to change classrooms/grade levels for next year.  My transfer is going to be 3-4 days before I have to be back to work, so I'm not going to be able to move much or prep for the school year at that time.  Is it too much to ask for a little stability in one area of my life?

Stim day 6

I went in for my second monitoring appointment this morning.  I have 6 good sized follicles that are within 2mm of each other, which is good.  The Dr. was surprised that I don't have more, given my AMH level of 2.7.  He said that if we have to stim again, he's going to change things up a bit.

E2 came in around 570 and LH was 3.8.

I am staying the same course with meds, but adding cetrotide tonight.  I hate that one.  The nurse suggested ice first and heat after to help the sting and welt.  I don't really trust that nurse though, so I don't know.  I'm trying to gather as much anecdotal evidence as I can.    I'm really not looking forward to this shot.  

I've complained about the nurse before and how she makes mistakes.  Today she called and gave me someone else's lab results, told me to start pills tonight, and made me an appointment for the 13th.  Yeah, no... that message isn't for me, thanks.

half

Halfway done with stims!  If all goes well, at this point next week I'll be resting after my retrieval.

Monitoring appointment two is tomorrow.  I'm really hoping that there are more than four follicles visible tomorrow.  Of course I'd rather have 4-5 great follicles than 15 mediocre/crappy ones, but with all the money that this costs, it would be nice to have some to make it to freeze this time.

If this cycle doesn't work out, we're only going to do one more fresh cycle.  We'll do any FETs that we can, but the fresh is just too hard physically, emotionally, and financially.

This is going to work.  This is going to work.  This is going to work.

Stim Day 3 Update

My first monitoring appointment was okay.  I only had 4 follicles between 7mm-10mm.  They'll call later with the estrogen # and let me know if I need to up the meds.

My doctor is on vacation, so I had to see one of the other ones in the office.  He was nice, but said that he wanted me back on Sunday.  The nurse, whom I've had issues with many times before, decided to put me in on Monday so I could see my regular doctor.  Hopefully that will be fine.

I've had a headache for days.

E2 = 140