Yes, We're One of THOSE Couples.

What to do?

2012-01-26T20:30:00.000-08:00

I've sort of struggled with blogging since I got pregnant. It was easy to write about infertility-- it seemed like there was often a lot going on. Now that we have crossed to the other side, it's harder for me to compose a post about my daughter on my infertility blog. My computer time has also been rather limited with a mobile 10 month old who has been refusing to nap for more than 30 minutes

Nuts!

2011-12-18T22:10:00.000-08:00

I'm nuts, I tell you, nuts! Seriously! More on this shortly. First, my little cutie is nine and a half months. Ridiculous. She still doesn't want to crawl, and very much wants to walk. She is very clingy to me and takes a long time to warm up to people, although she's as social as can be in the ergo or a shopping cart. It's been interesting. She is still nursing, but eating more and more

wow

2011-10-31T15:24:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that it's been two months since I've posted! We've been pretty busy, but really, who isn't. I've been a bad blog friend and have not been commenting recently. I still read everything, but have not been leaving comments, and I'm sorry! I'll try to do better! My sweet little cutie will be 8 months old this week. She is doing well. She was super close to crawling and sort of

Getting Settled

2011-08-29T21:36:00.000-07:00

We have moved into the new house and are getting settled. We've made some good progress on our boxes, but still have a lot to go. This house has a huge storage shortage, despite ample space for it. So, we've had to buy storage cabinets and shelves and still need to put a pantry in the kitchen. The problem is, we are out of money! I've never had such high credit card balance and no money in

for really real?

2011-08-08T16:58:00.000-07:00

So often, I stop and think, is this really my life now? For real? For really real? No, seriously, who's playing this joke on me?It feels like a dream... or someone else's reality that I somehow stepped into. We have a baby. A real, live, smiling, crying, adorable baby. For a year, at least, I am a stay at home mom. That is something I never thought would happen. Well, I guess all of it is

anniversary

2011-06-24T10:23:00.001-07:00

Time flies! Today is my 5th wedding anniversary and also the one year anniversary of my egg retrieval-- the day Juliet was conceived. What a difference a year makes! As I look at my little miracle squirming and playing in my lap, it is so hard to believe that a year ago she was just being created. I still can't believe she's really here. I feel so blessed.

it's been a while...

2011-06-14T21:26:00.001-07:00

I don't seem to find the time to blog anymore. There is a lot I don't seem to find the time to do!!Aside from the three month old, we've been busy. We are moving about 400 miles away in a month! B's work is moving there, so we are going. The cost of living is a lot lower in our new city than it is in our LA suburb, so I'll get to stay home with the little one for at least another year!! That

2 month update

2011-05-04T21:56:00.000-07:00

My little cutie is 2 months old! Time really flies! She got her first set of shots today and has been a crabby cupcake ever since. She has been super sleepy and is quite bothered by the slightest thing. Her cry is different and she just seems uncomfortable/in pain. I feel so badly for her! She seems to be doing a little better right now though and actually smiled at me again. She is

Giveaway!

2011-04-30T22:04:00.001-07:00

I have been away from blogging for a little bit. Aside from the little cutie, we have been busy! We found out a few weeks ago that B's company is relocating this summer and we either go or B is out of a job. I got a pink slip again this year and the chance of rehire is looking slim (yay California budget) so it makes sense to move. All of our family lives within an hour of us now and we

Once you do IVF and have a baby, you'll get pregnant

2011-04-27T17:52:00.000-07:00

There are so many infertility myths, but this one has been coming up a lot for me recently. This one is similar to the, "As soon as you adopt, you'll get pregnant" myth. Sure, people do adopt and get pregnant and people also get pregnant on their own after IVF, but that is certainly not the majority of cases. Nor will it be the case for us. My OBs are even guilty of spreading this one. They

The donor issue

2011-04-10T12:20:00.001-07:00

About a year and a half into our relationship, B and I broke up. The defining issue was children. I wanted them, he did not. Neither of us were willing give on this issue. His main reason was that he didn't want to be responsible for ruining a child's life. He didn't think he would be a good father. The break up lasted two weeks. I promised to help make sure he would be a good father and

3 weeks

2011-03-23T19:57:00.000-07:00

I can't believe my little Juliet is three weeks old! Before I know it, she'll be a month. Everything is going okay. I think we're just dealing with typical newborn stuff! My milk was a little slow to come in and she dropped a lot of weight and got really dehydrated. We had to supplement with formula for about a week after 1-2 feeds each day. We also had a lactation consultant come out to

She's here!

2011-03-05T02:00:00.000-08:00

Short version: Juliet Elise was born 3-3 at 18:18, weighing 7,7! She's all about the double numbers! She is doing great! I'm still having issues with my blood pressure and some pre-e signs-- headache, slightly blurred vision. The whole story: I went in on Wednesday night to start Cervidil. I didn't end up getting it until midnight. I was able to sleep until about 2 am, when I woke

38 weeks, and done

2011-03-02T15:30:00.001-08:00

It looks like we'll be celebrating a birth day tomorrow! I'm going in for an induction tonight due to my high blood pressure and kidney function declining. I'll keep you posted as soon as I can! In the mean time, I've got a TON to do!

36 weeks, a little late

2011-02-20T19:57:00.000-08:00

Another week down! 36 weeks feels like a big milestone. I think because at this point, the majority of babies born don't need any NICU or respiratory support. Only 1 week until I'm considered full term! Work is getting harder. Fortunately, I have a lot of meetings in the next few days/next week that will have me sitting down for a few hours at a time. The doctors would kinda like me

35 weeks!

2011-02-10T06:53:00.001-08:00

I'm now 35 weeks! Only 2 weeks till baby is considered full term and 5 weeks till due date. 12 more days of work, including today. I am certainly at that uncomfortable part of pregnancy! I'm up using the bathroom at least 2 times in the night and I wake up to roll over all the time. Getting up and down is getting harder and harder! The newest symptom to come up is foot/ankle swelling. The

kidney update

2011-01-28T06:57:00.001-08:00

If you haven't read the last post about the kidney, go get the whole story. The good news is that this week's kidney tests came back about the same as the ones last week, so it is stable. It isn't getting better, but it is not getting worse. Baby is doing just fine and my kidney is doing its job, so no real harm is being done. The bad news is that it still hurts-- a lot at times. If

Kinda miss boring

2011-01-21T18:19:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I spent 6.5 hours at the doctor and at labor and delivery. I've been having pain on my left side above my hip, and it started getting really bad yesterday. I called the Dr. and they were able to see me after work. Dr. thought it was likely something having to do with my kidney, so he sent me to the ER for a renal ultra sound. They, of course, wouldn't just do it and made me go to L&

Final Countdown

2011-01-13T07:01:00.000-08:00

9 weeks left till D-day, 7 more weeks of work.I'm visiting the doctor every 2 weeks now, and in the past two weeks, I've gone from measuring a little small to a little big. She has been measuring within the normal range, though a wee bit on the smaller side at the past two appointments with the Peri. Yesterday, Dr. decided that he wanted take a peek at baby. She was moving around a ton, like

2 years

2010-12-31T10:45:00.000-08:00

Today marks 2 years since we got our heart breaking azoospermia diagnosis. It's a hard day to forget, especially since it was a fitting kick off to 2009. It was quite the crappy start to quite the crappy year. 2009 is a year I'd really like to forget, and just thinking about everything that happened still makes me cry. I had just barely started this blog when we found out, but I am so glad

an update

2010-12-20T21:52:00.000-08:00

I've gotten so bad at updating this! There just hasn't been much going on! I'm almost 28 weeks, and everything is going well. Juliet is growing well and now has an estimated weight of 2 pounds 3 ounces. She is still head up and likes to roll around. I saw her do it today on ultrasound, and it really makes what I've been feeling make more sense! I could tell that she was head up, but knowing

excited

2010-11-27T08:08:00.000-08:00

This has been a week with a lot of good news! I'm so excited for two of my Azoo sisters! I've 'known' Alison since the early days of both of us TTC, about 2.5 years ago. A few months after our azoospermia diagnosis, she and her husband were also faced with that horrible news. After several IUIs, Alison finally got a BFP and had beautifully rising betas from her first IVF! Go wish her

pic

2010-11-23T21:08:00.000-08:00

Thanks for your thoughts on my etiquette question this morning. I didn't mention that I am the baby's aunt, as it is BIL's baby with his ex. I did end up sending a gift-- something boring from her registry that I had a coupon for. I will not be inviting her to my shower. I finally got around to taking a belly pic! Here I am today, at 23 weeks, 5 days. I think I am starting to look pregnant

etiquette question

2010-11-23T08:35:00.000-08:00

I've got a question or two for you. Please be honest. 1. If you are invited to someone's baby shower and you can't/don't want to attend, do you have to send a gift? 2. After being invited to that same person's baby showers, do I have to invite her to mine? Clearly, I am not a fan of this person. She is not a good person and I am at a loss as to what to do. A part of me wants to be the

hi

2010-11-14T18:39:00.000-08:00

I've been so bad at writing recently. I haven't been posting here or on the message boards. I've been bad at commenting, and I haven't been responding to emails. I don't know what it is! I have been reading and keeping up with all of you, though. I'm going to try to be better. I'm 22 weeks 3 days now! I still don't feel like I am showing much, but I saw a video B took from the weekend

love and hate

2010-11-01T06:47:00.001-07:00

Some people love Halloween and some don't like it. I used to love Halloween and now it's hard for me. It's not because of IF and kids. It's my brother. Today would have been his 27th birthday. My mom was having contractions with him when she was taking me trick-or-treating. He was born just a little after midnight on the 1st. I can't think about Halloween and not think about him. My

fears

2010-10-26T07:10:00.000-07:00

My life has been filled with fear for a long time. It's hard to pin point when exactly it started/escalated, but I know it was there towards the end of summer 2008 when I decided there was something wrong with our TTC efforts. Once we got the azoospermia diagnosis, the fear really sunk in. The specific fears have morphed over time and changed as we've passed different milestones. Some fears

so much to do!

2010-10-23T11:08:00.000-07:00

I've had so much to do these past few weeks! Work is keeping me really busy! I've been getting home so late and have had things to do after work. There has also been some family drama that I've been dealing with. Mostly MIL related. She needs things to do in her life, and right now stirring up non-existent issues is what is filling that void. It doesn't help that she gets so drunk that she

18!

2010-10-15T06:44:00.001-07:00

Sorry for my absence. This school year has been kicking my butt. I don't really have tons to say! Nothing is really going on. Yesterday we had an assembly at school, and when the whole room was chanting together, baby would totally start moving! It was really funny and cool for me. I've started loading up on baby gear! I have quite a few coworkers with young children who are done

16 weeks

2010-09-29T18:44:00.001-07:00

How Far Along? 16 weeks Total Weight Gain? -1 pound. I get full so quickly! Symptoms? Exhausted! Less so than the 1st trimester, but still so tired. How Big is Baby? Baby is about the size of an avocado. She is 4.5- 5 inches long and about 3.5 ounces in weight. Sleep? Sometimes great and sometimes bad insomnia. My bladder wakes me up around 4 am, and I don't usually go back to sleep

telling

2010-09-20T06:54:00.000-07:00

We really started telling about the pregnancy this weekend. I'm telling the staff at my work today. It's been fun and really nice not to have the secret anymore! I also found out that one of my good friends is due a month after me, which is really exciting. I don't really like a lot of attention, so am a bit nervous about 30+ women finding out today at work. I feel like I'll be hiding in my

to OB #3

2010-09-17T07:43:00.000-07:00

I met with OB #2 on Wednesday and felt much better about that practice than the first one I went to. I had scheduled a 3rd consult for today, so I am keeping it, but I'd be happy with #2. It is a husband and wife team-- the wife is the chief of staff at the hospital I'll deliver at and the husband is chief of labor and delivery there as well. The husband delivered my former gyn's baby! He did

NT scan

2010-09-10T18:45:00.001-07:00

I'm back from the NT scan! Everything looked great. Baby was moving tons. It was actually hard for the tech to get good pictures because it was moving so much! They were not able to make a gender guess. I had a dream a few weeks ago that it was a boy, but then today during the scan I started calling it she without even thinking. She was being a little bit stubborn, and was curled up the

sick

2010-09-09T15:47:00.001-07:00

Well, me feeling a little bit sick last Sunday has turned into a full on, throat on fire, sneezey, headachey, cold. I'm so glad I don't have work today or tomorrow. The first thing I did when I got up this morning with my burning throat was look up my favorite tea for when I'm sick to see if it is okay during pregnancy. Of course, it isn't. No throat coat for me. I turned to gargling warm

plugging along

2010-09-06T11:27:00.000-07:00

There really isn't much to say at this point. I'm plugging along, doing fine. Yesterday, I bowed out of a BBQ with B's family. In May I mentioned BIL's ex and her "surprise" (planned) pregnancy. One of the reasons for this BBQ was for BIL's birthday, and she decided to drive down to attend (she's still living 5-6 hours away). She's like 26 weeks pregnant, and the thought of having to spend

OB take 2

2010-08-28T13:04:00.000-07:00

It took me 3 tries to find an RE that I was happy with. Hopefully the search for OB won't take as long. However, the first one is out and appointment number two is on the books for a few weeks from now. I'm thinking about scheduling a 3rd appointment now, just to be safe. OB #1 was literally over 75 years old and couldn't hear what I was saying more than half the time. He didn't know how to

Dreams

2010-08-26T09:27:00.000-07:00

I've been having lots more vivid dreams. The strangest ones have involved people who have passed away-- my dad, my brother, grandparents, and my friend. My friend, who died of liver cancer two years ago, knew she was dying in my dream and wanted one last outing with me. They've all been so real. I also had one a few nights ago where we found out that the baby was a boy. In this same dream,

no complaints

2010-08-23T08:08:00.000-07:00

As crappy as I feel sometimes, I really have no complaints about this pregnancy. Yes, it is/can be a bit annoying to feel like throwing up all the time, alternating between insomnia and sleeping all the time, and being backed up, but I'm happy to have it. With all that it took to get pregnant, I would gladly feel like this, or worse, for the next 7 months if it means I get to bring home a baby

graduated!

2010-08-19T11:10:00.000-07:00

I've now officially graduated from the RE! I have an appointment at the end of next week with a regular ob/gyn from here on out. I also have to make an appointment with a genetic person, who I guess is the one who does the NT scan or whatever. The heart rate was 144 bpm, which seems low to me, but the dr. wasn't concerned. The CRL is 26.4mm, which their machine says is 9w5d, but it didn't

beat

2010-08-17T20:35:00.000-07:00

I am so exhausted. I didn't get a nap today. In addition to that, I spent over 4 hours in my classroom working today. I don't know how I am going to manage it once the kids come! After that, I went to two stores for groceries. So tired. My nausea is back with a vengeance. Today is probably the worst it's been. I still haven't blown chunks, but I really thought I was going to earlier and

8w4d

2010-08-09T11:10:00.000-07:00

First, I want to thank all of you who constantly reassure me and help me through my neuroses. It's good to know that others have experienced the same things and everything has turned out okay. The new thing driving me crazy is insomnia! It has been taking me longer to fall asleep. Then, I'll wake up in the middle of the night and have to pee. After that, I can't get back to sleep. At all.

boring

2010-08-07T08:46:00.000-07:00

I'm totally going to become have already become a boring pregnancy blogger. I don't really have anything interesting to say. The anxiety is still really there. My symptoms have lightened up a bit in the last few days, which makes me really nervous. I'm only 8w2d- I shouldn't be coming out 1st trimester symptoms yet. But, I've been hungry and not as tired. Even my acne is clearing up. I'm

my new best friend

2010-07-30T10:40:00.001-07:00

is macaroni and cheese. It is one of the only things that sounds good to me, and it makes my tummy happy. I got some last night for dinner, and just finished it off. I haven't blown chunks yet, but feel like I am closer to that point every afternoon. Last night, B and I 'were intimate' for the first time since before our procedures. It's the longest we'd ever gone. I was a bit nervous,

finally!

2010-07-29T10:19:00.000-07:00

I finally had my ultrasound! We saw one beating heart. They didn't measure or tell us the heart rate, but we saw it flashing away. It looked like, according to the doctor, that both had implanted but one baby stopped developing about 2 weeks ago. The doctor has my due date as 3-16-11, which is one day earlier than I had it (making me 7w1d today) and the CRL measured 7w2d! Here is a picture

anxiety

2010-07-26T20:39:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned my anxiety a few times on this blog. It is to the point where I used to be on meds and have had panic attacks and such, but it's been better in the last two years or so. There have been no meds in me, on a regular basis, for awhile. IVF and the uncertainty of pregnancy has not helped! I'm constantly worrying that the baby(ies) have died. I don't want to make

5w6d

2010-07-21T18:02:00.001-07:00

It's been a whole week since I've had any confirmation that I am pregnant, and it is going to be another week (from tomorrow) before my ultrasound. I wanted some confirmation, so I took another home pregnancy test! It was the cheap internet kind that expires in a couple of months, and it's been almost two weeks since I've taken one! Today's was fun, because the pregnant line showed up

5w3d

2010-07-18T08:48:00.000-07:00

I feel pretty boring these days! I'm just plugging along, waiting for my ultrasound. It did get moved to the 29th, when I'll be 7 weeks. Time feels like it is moving so slowly!! Yesterday was my last PIO shot! I am now on endometrin instead. I am so happy to give my hips a break. So far, the suppositories are okay. They feel a little leaky, but it doesn't seem like anything has really

Beta #3

2010-07-14T17:18:00.000-07:00

I know I've complained about the nurse I work with most of the time before. Since then, she went on vacation and came back and was better the last time I saw her. Until this afternoon. I've gotten most of my calls with test results between noon and 3pm. I decided to call them today at 4:15, when I hadn't heard. I was getting really anxious that the reason I hadn't heard was because the Dr.

beta #2

2010-07-12T14:41:00.000-07:00

The beta came in at 761, which isn't quite doubling in 48 hours. It is something like 49.8 hours. They want me to come back on Wednesday for a 3rd. I know that this isn't too bad, but it feels bad to me. I was really hoping to have over shot their expectations. In other news, a friend asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding in March, on the other side of the US. I told her to let me

4w2d

2010-07-10T12:44:00.000-07:00

Today is 4w2d. Hardly anything in terms of a pregnancy, but farther than I've ever been before. There has not been too much in terms of symptoms. My stomach is a little off every once in a while- usually after I eat or drink something. I'm not getting very many cramps anymore, though they were short lasting when they came. The boobs are sore and have grown a little. I've been pretty tired

beta

2010-07-08T14:25:00.000-07:00

My beta came in at 200! They said that they like to see it over 100, so I figure 200 is good considering that its 1-3 days earlier than they usually do it. I'll go in on Monday for a repeat test.

One last time

2010-07-07T09:51:00.000-07:00

Ok, this will be the last pee stick picture I post, I promise. It feels good to feed my addiction! I called the doctor and get to go in for a beta tomorrow. I was hoping it would be today, but tomorrow is certainly better than Monday. Here is today's glory: Sorry if I'm boring you with my pee stick obsession. It's just so strange to see positives! I can't get over it!

addict

2010-07-06T07:52:00.000-07:00

I am a POAS addict. I admit it. I have an addiction. This morning, I started trying to satisfy my addiction with another internet cheapy hpt. The test line was about the same as yesterdays first IC test line, actually now that I really compared the two, it is a smidgen darker. So, I took out another IC, because yesterday the second one was darker than the first. The second one had a TON of

shadows

2010-07-05T10:02:00.000-07:00

I'm so hesitant to post this. I don't want to get my hopes up, just to be crushed. There is a long way to go, but I may be one step closer. This morning, I peed in a cup to dip my sticks. At first, I only dipped one and I watched and watched. Then I decided to go do something and come back. When I came back, it looked negative. Upon closer scrutiny, it looked like there could be a shadow

5dp5dt

2010-07-04T14:50:00.000-07:00

I had some blood work done on Friday and I talked to the nurse about my PIO shots and that I'm not tolerating them well. She wants me to keep doing them, despite the fact that research has shown that the suppositories do just as good of a job. Later, I get a call with the results of my blood work- my E2 is fine, over 1,000 and my progesterone is lower than they'd like it. It's 26 and they want it

hope

2010-07-01T15:02:00.000-07:00

I don't know how I'm supposed to stay positive and have hope after I just found out that none of the other embryos made it to blast or freeze. What hope do my poor quality barely blast and morula have if nothing else made it. I know I need to try to relax and hope/let these embryos settle in, but I haven't been able to stop crying since the doctor told me. My husband was the reason we needed

PUPO

2010-06-29T12:38:00.001-07:00

Well, I'm officially PUPO! They transferred one blast and one morula. I'm a bit worried that only one made it to blast stage today. They are going to continue to culture the others and freeze any that get to blast in the next two days. Okay little ones, time to grab hold of my nice, thick lining and snuggle in for the long haul, I've got a movie in, a book to read, a cooler by my bed with

surreal

2010-06-28T16:16:00.000-07:00

It's so surreal to think that my babies are growing somewhere down the road from here. I can't even believe that we are here and transferring tomorrow. It really feels like it's taken forever and got here so quickly simultaneously. 18 months from azoospermia news to start trying to get pregnant. It's been a rough road with lots of ups and downs. It's taken forever and flashed by. I got a

The update

2010-06-27T11:20:00.000-07:00

We didn't get anymore embryos. But, 6 of the 7 that we had the other day are doing well. They didn't give them a grade or anything, but said that 6 are doing really well and the doctor is pleased. I'll get my transfer time tomorrow. I hope those 6 keep thriving! In other news, I need something to do! I've been pretty bored the last few days. I don't know how I'm going to make it through

fertilization report

2010-06-25T17:23:00.000-07:00

Well, so far we have 7 embryos! My doctor thinks we might end up with 10-12 and will call again on Sunday with an update. I hope that all of the eggs that fertilized keep growing well and we have lots to chose from on Tuesday!

20!

2010-06-24T13:23:00.000-07:00

I'm back from the egg retrieval and doing well. I have some cramps, but nothing worse than a bad period. They got 20 eggs! I know they won't all be mature and that all of the mature won't all fertilize, but that is more eggs than they thought. I hope that this good news is just the beginning of good news to come.

0

2010-06-23T16:44:00.000-07:00

No sperm. RE gave us a 10% chance of finding one 'twitching' in the tissue sample in the morning. Lots of tears. This almost feels like the initial diagnosis all over again. I thought I was prepared to handle this, but apparently not. Known donor it is.

TESE

2010-06-23T11:20:00.000-07:00

We're back from the mTESE. B is doing well so far, but I think he is still numb. He's upstairs resting with ice on the area. The surgeon did not see any sperm, but didn't look through all of it. We brought the specimen to my doctor's office for the embryologist to look through. I'm not feeling confident that they're going to find anything. The reality hasn't hit yet, but I'm sure it will

trigger tonight!

2010-06-22T14:26:00.000-07:00

I get to trigger tonight! It looks like I have 8 good follicles on the left- 20-23mm and 3-4 on the right 19-22mm. I'll go in on Thursday at 10am for the retrieval. Hopefully that will yield 10-11 good eggs! Sperm retrieval is set for early tomorrow morning. Really early. We have to leave home before 5am to get there. I'll take whatever they can find an hour across town to my doctor.

Welcome!

2010-06-21T07:45:00.000-07:00

Hello ICLWers! Welcome to my roller coaster! Here's the abridged version of my story. We started trying in April/May of 08. Husband, B, was diagnosed with azoospermia (zero sperm count) on New Years Eve 2008. We started investigating why, and the doctors couldn't find a reason. In March, 2009 my brother died unexpectedly at 25 years old, which put a big hold on all of our TTC plans. We

Father's Day

2010-06-20T10:53:00.000-07:00

Father's Day has been a hard day for me for the past 15 years- since my dad died. Last year, Father's Day was a disaster. In looking back at that post and the following, I realized that I never talked about what a disaster that BBQ ended up being. I couldn't put on the fake happy face last year. Well, I did okay for the first 30 minutes, until my SIL started whining about how hard her life

appointment update- updated

2010-06-19T21:08:00.000-07:00

I got back from my appointment, and I can't help but be a little disappointed. My follicles have more of a variety in size than they'd prefer. The largest is 17mm and the smallest he considered still in the running/measured is 11mm. The majority are in the 13-15mm range. Hopefully the cetrotide will slow down the 17 and let the smaller ones catch up. Now he expects me to get 10-12 eggs. The

books

2010-06-18T13:34:00.000-07:00

I'm looking for some good, fun, not stressful books to read. I'd love some enjoyable, not depressing books. Do you have any suggestions? I'm hoping to hit the library next Monday or Tuesday. I'm still plugging along with the stims. Today is day 5. I go back for a scan and blood work tomorrow. I certainly feel bloated and full in my abdomen. Hopefully I'll know the retrieval date

first check

2010-06-16T17:21:00.000-07:00

I had my first monitoring appointment today. They said that my follies were not as big as they had hoped, but that it sometimes happens with people in my age range and they have a growth spurt later. My E2 is 156. I have around 15 follicles growing. They didn't give me exact numbers, but about 10 are in the 7-9mm range, and 5 are in the 4-6mm range. I'll go back on Saturday for a recheck. In the

we've begun

2010-06-14T06:40:00.000-07:00

Well, my first shot is in- 225 iu of gonal-f. I'll be taking that in the morning, and 2 vials of menopur in the evening. I don't know, but that seems like a lot of stims! Now that I have the gonal-f done, and it wasn't that bad at all, I'm afraid of the menopur. I hear that it burns. Any tricks or tips from those who've BDTD? Fast, slow, ice, heat, etc? First follie check is on Wednesday.

The meds!

2010-06-12T09:20:00.000-07:00

Well, all of my meds are here. I go in tomorrow to learn how to do them and find out my doses and things. The good news with having a Sunday appointment is that B can come too. He's never been to the RE before. I've done this all on my own. My stockpile:

suppressed

2010-06-09T18:41:00.000-07:00

I'm suppressed! I had my u/s and blood work done today to make sure that all is quiet on the ovarian front. I got to see where the follicles will start growing and my lining is 6mm. They were 45 minutes late taking me back, so I had to leave after they took the blood, but before I got my instructions/injection lessons. I will go back on Sunday to learn how to do the shots and find out my med

dreams and meds

2010-06-05T12:46:00.000-07:00

I have been having lots of dreams recently. I've also been sick and anxious, which has not lead to good sleep. I wake up in coughing fits in the middle of the night and start thinking about starting stims in less than two weeks, my BIL's situation, wondering whose sperm will fertilize my eggs, finishing the school year, and all sorts of things. Not so much fun. I did have a dream that I got

determination- updated

2010-05-28T18:53:00.000-07:00

Since the news of BIL's ex being pregnant, I've gone through a mess of emotions. It is so extra frustrating because so many people warned him that she is the type of person who would stop bcp to keep him, and he didn't believe any of us. I've moved from wishing her ill-will to wishing/hoping/praying for the best possible situation for BIL, whatever way that might play out. It makes me feel

never easy

2010-05-25T13:56:00.000-07:00

Warning: This is a rant that includes me being selfish, pissed, and a bad person. Proceed at your own risk. I am FUMING right now. We're using BIL as our known donor backup, as you may remember. BIL has been in an on-again, off-again relationship with a girl he never fell in love with for 4 years. He's wanted her to dump him, and she's done everything she can to hang on to him. They were both

stuff and things

2010-05-10T18:25:00.000-07:00

I ended up getting a meeting with my doctor to talk things out. He really is a nice guy, and made me feel better about what's coming up. He didn't even charge me for the 20 minutes or so he spent with me. I also got my FSH retested- it's 8. Pretty consistent to the 7.9 last July. Flow started yesterday. I am going to start taking bcp today, for just under 3 weeks, have my withdraw bleed,

up and down

2010-04-26T19:22:00.000-07:00

It's been quite a tumultuous week, filled with some good news, some bad, and some frustrating. Last week was really work intensive- mostly not related to my classroom teaching, and all union business. I probably worked an extra 10-12 hours last week, just on union junk. Most of the time I really enjoy my position in the local union, but last week I had to deal with a lot of dumb people mad at

better

2010-04-14T22:34:00.000-07:00

Things are going better with DH and me. Thanks for all of your advice-- I appreciate it. B had already talked to his doctor about lowering his med dose because he feels really tired a lot. The Dr. suggested alternating between the higher and lower dose each day. It seems to be working a bit better and making him feel/seem more normal. We had a good talk about what we expect of each other.

2010-04-11T15:16:00.001-07:00

I had a great few days on a trip with a few of my friends. We had lots of fun. I was excited to come home and spend some time with B, though. Apparently, him, not so much. Since I got home, he's pretty much ignored me. He claims nothing is wrong, of course. We often run into the problem that we don't know what to do together. He's asked me several times what I want to do, I've responded, "

bad blogger

2010-04-05T18:45:00.000-07:00

I'm a bad blogger. But, there really isn't much going on, which I guess is a good thing. I'm working on getting my IVF meds for free/discounted. It's spring break for me, which is really nice. I've been really productive already. I've done lots of gardening, and figured out my taxes. We hosted Easter brunch yesterday, which went really

HSG

2010-03-26T07:03:00.001-07:00

Well, HSG done and all clear. It REALLY hurt me when they put the catheter through my cervix. My eyes watered and I almost cried- I think mostly because I was surprised by the intense pain. That only lasted about a minute, and the rest wasn't too bad. It was interesting to see the dye fill my ute, go through the tubes, and start floating around my abdomen. Everything felt better once they took

March

2010-03-23T07:08:00.000-07:00

March is not a kind month to me. Last March, it started with my job, which happened again on almost the same day this year, continued with my brother, and today marks 14 years without my dad. I've also lost two of my grandparents in Marches past. As a good friend recently said to me, the planets are a-holes to me when it comes to March. Am I naive in thinking that next March might be kind

lots

2010-03-13T09:18:00.000-08:00

First, I'm a Limerick Chick Finalist at WeeblesWobblog.com Thanks for voting for me! I'm sure I won't win, but I had lots of fun with it. Go back and vote! Also, apparently, my last shameless plea for votes was my 200th post! So, this makes 201. I spent over an hour at the RE's office this week. I really do like the office I've chosen. I have my prescription for BCPs and a start date

limerick vote!

2010-03-11T21:11:00.000-08:00

Here's a shameless plug to go vote for my limerick. The voting ends today, so I am a little late on the plug, but I've been busy! Is it wrong that it bothers me that an entry that isn't a complete limerick is beating mine?? If you have the time, please vote! (you don't even have to vote for me, just vote!)

check, and check

2010-03-07T09:51:00.000-08:00

I'm still not caught up on what I needed to do, and will be spending the whole day working today, but that is okay. It's my own fault. Despite the layoff, this has been a pretty good week. I spend some quality time with KD on Friday, and he is in!! He thought he had told us already. The only thing he is struggling with right now is if he wants to know the outcome. Also, I got a call from

laid

2010-03-03T20:49:00.000-08:00

off. It's official. I got my pink slip today. I teach out the end of the year, and have no job for the next school year. My particular school laid off 25% of their teachers-- the district about 10%. It is really stinky. If you live in CA, you can help by telling your state assembly representatives to fund education. How to they expect us to educate people to be competitive in a global

poetry fun

2010-02-28T21:56:00.000-08:00

I've never been an 'English' person. Math has always been my strength. But, when it comes to poetry, I LOVE limericks. So, when I saw this at Weebles Wobblog, I just had to participate. I wanted to include all of you in my limericks, but that just isn't possible with the rhyme and syllabic scheme, so I wrote about 10 and picked the two I liked best. Enjoy..and don't be offended if you

hmmm

2010-02-28T18:12:00.000-08:00

It's hard to know where to start. There is a lot going on in my head and it is hard to organize, so please forgive the random thoughts. I've totally been procrastinating doing the things I need to do. That will really come and bite me in the ass later in the week. A big part of me is thinking of taking Friday off to catch up, but I really don't want to take any more days. Even though it

SITM

2010-02-23T07:04:00.000-08:00

I got these lovely socks from Michelle at All in God's Time, and I love them! She also put some yummy chocolates in the envelope, which was much appreciated! They do a great job of summing up how this community has made me feel this past year- not alone, and loved. I honestly don't know how I would have made it through 2009 without you. You tell me that you are here for me, you listen to me,

crash

2010-02-21T13:48:00.001-08:00

My computer seems to have died. I am on my old laptop that doesn't function very well. It took a few hours to get a browser that would work, and now it won't let me log in to many sites (facebook, work email, google reader. etc.). I have a friend who will hopefully be able to fix it tomorrow. I was hoping to catch up on blogs today. I hope to get this sorted out soon, so I can return to the

decisions

2010-02-17T17:02:00.000-08:00

I hate making decisions. Well, I guess that is not entirely true. When I feel strongly, I have no problem making decisions. When I don't have a strong opinion or am unsure, I have a really hard time. I have a lot of things coming up that I need to decide. RE gave me the choice of having a Sonohysterogram or a Hysterosalpingogram to check my uterus and/or tubes. At first, I was thinking I'd

behind

2010-02-09T22:34:00.000-08:00

I feel like I am falling behind on everything. In fact, just typing that sentence made me think about my bills, so I just paid the electric bill due tomorrow. I am behind in my classroom, behind asking BIL if he is really in (although he just told me that he is working on being more selfish to take care of his needs), behind in reading and commenting on blogs... well, I guess I have been

dreams

2010-02-04T18:12:00.000-08:00

I typically don't remember my dreams, but for the last week or so, I have been remembering my dreams quite vividly. The last few nights, they've involved me sleeping with someone other than my husband. I don't know if it because I am getting to that fertile time of the month or what. So strange! It doesn't help that our potential known donor has been spending the night here often, and will

no definite answer

2010-02-02T07:04:00.001-08:00

We still don't have a definite answer from BIL, but he's most likely in. He started a new job and will have health insurance again next week. I asked him to get his first set of infectious disease testing from his new gp (to help save some money), when he gets one. He said sure, and asked if we wanted his drug screen from the new job. He also seemed glad that he would only have to come in to my

dinner

2010-01-31T14:58:00.000-08:00

Well, last night was a relative success. There were no problems, really, with anyone. It was nice. I was ready to leave a bit earlier than we did, but whatever. My FIL and I got into a nice heated discussion about school vouchers. We totally disagree, but had a nice hug after. I had a minute to tell BIL that I have an update on what he will be involved in. He asked to come for dinner and

ding, ding! We have a winner!

2010-01-29T18:29:00.000-08:00

I think RE #3 it will be! I liked what he has to say. He was a good middle ground compared to the other two. His kids go to school in the district I teach in, and when I mentioned that I wanted to cycle in June, assuming I didn't get a pink slip again, he offered to help with the costs a bit-- both his office costs and the costs of meds. There is potentially a progesterone clinical trial

bringing crazy back

2010-01-27T19:58:00.000-08:00

I haven't seen the IL's or anyone other than potential donor BIL (who we still haven't heard from) since Christmas. That will all change on Saturday. We are going to B's parents house for dinner, and it will be the exact same cast of characters in the exact same place as Christmas. I'm really worried about how this is all going to play out. I really don't want to go crazy there. I know what

break down #3,641... aw crap, I lost count

2010-01-26T06:57:00.000-08:00

I'm losing it, I swear. It feels like the universe is turning against me again. I had a meeting yesterday, and I walked out contemplating a change in profession. Seriously. Any ideas of something else I can do? My computer wouldn't turn on yesterday. At all. Then, I borrowed someone's battery and it magically worked. Now it works with my battery, but I'm worried about it dying. AF

It's you!

2010-01-22T21:41:00.001-08:00

"It's you! I just know it! You've lost some weight, it must be because of the morning sickness!"No, it's not me. I'm not pregnant."But is HAS to be you. Who else could it be? You just don't want to tell because it is too early" No, really. It's not me. I promise. I haven't cheated on my husband. "Well, who else could it be?"Um, one of the other 20 teachers of child bearing age at this

email update

2010-01-22T15:02:00.001-08:00

Ok, I now know that BIL has checked the email account I sent it to, as he forwarded an email from that account today. I still have not gotten a response, but at least I know he read it, or at least saw it. I agree that he might want to talk to us in person tonight, although we won't have a ton of time before the other guys get there. We won't bring it up this weekend. B has still not signed